WORTHY

You deserve to feel worthy. But sometimes you don’t, eh?

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself WHY you feel that way? Why don't you feel worthy to have what it is you desire? Do you ever wonder why you let self-doubt and self-judgement seep in and drown your desire or your dream?

Perhaps you do not think about it at all. Maybe you just unconsciously agree with the thought of “I am not worthy” and keep moving along. Unconsciously numbing yourself to the joys life wants to bestow upon you, you live on auto-pilot? Acting and reacting like you always have.

OUCH. It doesn’t feel so good when you lay it out like that, does it?

For a long time, I went mindlessly along. I listened to the chatter in my head and accepted it as truth. After a lot of self reflection and growth (not always the comfy kind) I began to be open to the idea that almost EVERYONE gets such thoughts in their head at least some of the time. Yes, some people hear them more than others.

What makes one person feel worthy and go for it while another lets the dream go by?

CHOICE. It simply comes down to a matter of choice. You get to decide you are worthy to be seen. You are worthy to be heard. You are worthy to own your greatness.

YOU GET TO DECIDE.

Sounds so easy, right? Too good to be true?

Part of it is easy, if we let it be. And it is true. No doubt about it, pain or old wounds may surface in the process. That’s where having a coach, counselor or bestie comes in handy. We all need support. Sometimes we need specialized support to move through thought blocks. I know I did.

But even without direct support we can start to tune into the other voices in our head, the ones that whisper from our heart. The ones that say “You can do it”. “You are worthy”. “ “I got this”. Challenge yourself to listen to those voices and dismiss the icky ones.

Whatever we focus on we get. Everything is a choice.

We can CHOOSE to focus on the worthwhile thoughts and ignore the others.

WHY? Because you are so worthy of having a beautiful, abundant, peaceful and glorious life. That’s why. If you don’t believe it, here are 3 things you can do to help you get start believing it.

  1. Get out your journal and write down all the reasons you think you are not worthy of something.

Counter intuitive right? I invite you to try it anyway.

Now. Imagine there is a child in front of you, your own child perhaps. Read that list out loud to him/her as if you were telling that child how unworthy she is. Feel how much more difficult it is to say those defeating words to someone else, especially an innocent, smiling, trusting open child. Feel the difference?

What would you say to that child instead? You’d probably be a lot more encouraging and compassionate, wouldn't you? Yeah, me too.

Now imagine you are that child. Talk to your younger self like you would have loved to have been spoken too. Tell her how strong she is, how intelligent, how courageous. Tell her how worthy she is of all good things. Wrap your arms around her and tell her how much you love her and how worthy she is of happiness and success. Now how do you feel? Remember that feeling and draw upon it when you are feeling a bit less than.

  1. Start to value who you are and what you have to offer the world.

You’ve heard it before, but now it is time to start embodying it and believing in it. You are unique. Only you can share your special blend of gifts with the world.

Give yourself permission to OWN IT! The world needs what only you can offer. Maybe the idea of the world needing it is too big for you right now. Scale down, own the fact that you, your family and your community need the gifts you have to offer. You can go global later if that suits you.

Here’s a little reminder.

“Your self-worth is a service to humanity”

~Danielle Laporte, The Desire Map

  1. Think back to a time when you did feel worthy of going after something. Take a moment. Place your hands over your heart and inhale slowly. Exhale. Continue in this space until you access a time of worthiness. When you get there, remember how you felt after you took action. Even if things didn't pan out exactly as you desire. Capture the feeling of what it is like to take the step, to speak your truth, or to go for it because you felt all in and in your flow.

Right it down. And remember the feelings of freedom, liberation, empowerment, fulfillment, happiness, pride. Whatever it was that made you feel good. Remember it. That feeling is only a breath or a thought away and you can access it anytime.

These are the feelings you can choose to focus on instead of feeling unworthy or doubting who you are. Harness your inner wisdom and let it guide you on your journey. You get to choose how you feel, right now in this moment, each and every day.

I invite you to choose worthiness.

Not Sure how? Schedule a connection call with me.

Your Body Never Lies

Today I was feeling tired.

When we are tired, we have to make a choice, to push through or rest. For me in the past sometimes being tired would show up as a form of resistance or a sign that I was not protecting my energy. I would “rest” and not get a lot done.

Today I had to stop and ask myself where the tiredness was coming from.

When we feel tired, depleted, or exhausted, it’s useful to take the time to check-in with our own energy.

The body is always sending us messages. When we listen we can get a better sense of what is really going on for us.

My body was talking to me loud and clear. Turns out, I was wiped out from taking lots of lots of action. Action can be a good thing, especially when we are building something. But too much action, or not the right action can be counter productive.

I knew rest was what I needed. BUT, I wanted to push through. I was attached to writing an article. So, I kept working. Writing three different articles that did not come out as I liked.

If I’d listened to my initial instinct, I would have saved myself hours of frustration when the words would not flow and put the pen down.

Shifting gears, I checked in with my body. I listened. I finally put my pen aside. I sat for a few moments and pulled an Angel card as a way to relax and connect. I asked for a card that would benefit my article, myself and my peeps.

“REST” showed up.

Ironic I thought. Just want I DO NOT want to do right now. However, it was the perfect reminder for me to honor my inner wisdom and not my ego. I needed to take a break. After I took one, it was so much easier to write.

Rest and relaxation feed creativity. – TWEET THIS

Check in with your body

The body never lies. It holds the truth and answers we need if we are willing to slow down and listen to it. Mine kept telling me to rest. I ignored it until I slowed down and checked in.

Rest was affirmed with this message from my Angels today. How cool is that? But there are simpler, direct ways to check in with yourself.

Reflection question: Do you rest or push through when tired? Does it depend on the situation?

Do you honor the signals your inner wisdom your body sends you?

Don’t know how? I can guide you.

Don’t Just Listen to Your Inner Voice, Trust It.

Do you trust your instincts? Do you allow yourself to follow your intuition? Or do you ignore it all and live on auto-pilot doing all the things you should do?

For years I vacillated between the “shoulds'' and the instinctive knowing. While I wavered in the wind, ungrounded and unsure, I had a lot of health issues and extra body weight on me.

When I made the decision years ago to focus more on how I wanted to feel in my life I had the unsurprising wakeup call about how buried most of my real feelings actually were. My heart was locked up and I lived in a joyless state and did not heed the inner wisdom that kept presenting itself to me.

In clear speak, I NUMBED OUT.

I had a super high tolerance for pain.

I used to wear that high pain tolerance like a badge of honor because in some ways I was rewarded for it. It served me in ways that kept me “safe”, so I believed. Can you relate?

However we choose to block out our feelings and emotions with alcohol, drugs, shopping, food, denial, over exercising or extreme organizing we check out. The seemingly polar opposites of restrictive eating vs. binge eating, or complete disorganization, clutter vs OCD like perfectly placed items, the end result is the same. We are not in-touch with how we really feel, we are escaping, denying and not fully living. Behaviors that are widely accepted as normal in our culture, isn’t that heartbreaking?

I knew I did not want to remain numb, but I did not know what else there was for me really. I’d been numb for so long. I repeated patterns that kept me safely stuck in the numbness. It was a familiar pattern.

Are You wondering What changed it? It’s frighteningly so simple yet so damn powerful;

One simple question began to shift me “How do you want to feel?”

Hello. Wake up call.

CHOICEPOINT: Did I want to continue to wear that awful badge of high tolerance for pain, both emotional and physical? Or Did I want to begin to truly live, not feel dead inside?

When I held up the mirror, When I asked myself the question, I saw patterns in my life that I did not like. I wanted to feel whole, confident, joyful. I was not feeling any of that.

When both my sons were born, I showed up at the hospital 8 centimeters dilated, each time. Wow. I did not seem like I was in that much pain, I could not possibly be in labor, but I was. The first guy was born about 3 hours after I arrived at the hospital. 18 months later, the second guy, a breached preemie, was born even quicker by emergency C-section.

When it came time to birth my third child, we had a plan because I would “go into labor” so quickly. Her birth was scheduled. At 3 centimeters dilated I showed up for my appointment, opted for Pitocin and had a successful VBAC again about 3 hours after arrival at the hospital.

Reflecting back, the pain was there. It was so strong. but I just “bucked up” and went on my way, repeating my pattern of ignoring and denying the pain. This was consistent in most areas of my life. Numbing the pain or not, the baby still shows up. The baby’s birth changes us, stretches us, creating change regardless of how numb or present we are during the process.

That is what happens in life, we can only numb the pain for so long and if we do not consciously wake up and shift ourselves, eventually something comes along and rocks our world leaving us with little options but to shift in some way. It often feels more traumatic when we resist.

If I had trusted my instincts and my body, especially with the birth of my first child, I would have been at the hospital sooner. I was staying with my parents; my husband was stationed in Honduras at the time. I was home with my dad, the king of denial. He kept telling me I was not in labor. I called and spoke with the doctor on call. He told me I would not be able to talk as calmly or as much as was if I were in labor. I was advised NOT to come to the hospital because they would just send me home.

I listened to the “expert” instead of my body. My body was speaking to me in contractions, close and erratic, at 39 weeks pregnant; it shouted “BABY’s coming”.

Pain or no pain, that baby was going to enter the world.

There are some pains that we cannot ignore and they will continue on even if we resist.

Often they feel worse when we resist. If I did not resist so much, particularly when he was ready to crown, things would have been faster and the duration of pain shorter.

But I was so numb and not trusting of my body and all its wisdom, I did not listen to the inner voice that told me “baby’s coming. My dad told me, the doctor told me and my husband told me I was not in labor. I was pretty sure I was, but waited. When my mother finally saw me, one quick look was all it took...hospital, now! You are in labor. When I finally arrived at the hospital the nurses assured me I was staying there and a baby was coming and soon.

Numb was NOT how I wanted to feel. Life can be painful in so many ways, yet it is also joyous and beautiful. We cannot have one without the other. It is the beauty of the Yin and the Yang of life. When we block out and numb the pain, we in turn block out the joy too. When we do not allow ourselves to feel in one area we block out feeling in all areas.

When we do not allow ourselves to feel, we cannot clearly hear our inner voice, or we do hear it and we ignore its wisdom. We don’t trust it. How can we even consider mastering ourselves when we cannot even connect with our own self?

You might not be as disconnected as that’s great! Are you somewhere on the spectrum of disconnection?

Ask yourself-

Are you living a numbed out life? Or are you allowing yourself to feel both joy and pain?

Ask yourself, “How do you want to feel?” Your transformation begins by simply asking the question.

Want to go deeper? Hang with me. We’ll talk more about feelings, desire, and courage the next few weeks. We will get curious and ask deeper questions.

Choice point: Stop listening to everyone else. It is okay to trust yourself. Listen to the messages your body gives you. If you are not hearing them clearly, then perhaps it is time to reevaluate what you are doing so you can hear your own inner wisdom. She’s there, whispering to you daily.

Begin to notice how things unfold in your life. Notice the times you listen to your inner voice and when you opted to ignore it. There is no right or wrong, but there lives a lesson in either option.

I encourage you, don’t beat yourself up when you do not listen to the whispering of your truth. Rather notice how it spoke to you, through your thoughts, your feelings and the sensations in your body. So, when you do hear her whisper again you’ll recognize it.

Not sure how you really want to feel in your life? Afraid to heed the message you are getting? You need some clarity, stat. Don’t waste any more precious moments in this life living in confusion or doubt. I invite you to connect with me today and learn how I can assist you to face your fears and learn to trust yourself again.

Mastery Tips From a Master

My Top Takeaways from the Tony Robbins / Tom Brady Ultimate Wealth & Achievement Summit

  1. Organizing your Life if Paramount

As a mom with three kids, planning to leave for a day long event with my husband does not mean for me getting up, getting myself ready and leaving.

Ahead of time I made arrangements for someone to come to the house and be with the kids and let the dogs out to pee. She did not have to really do anything for the kids, just be there and make sure my 5th grader got on the bus. More arrangements needed to be made for later, one of which should have been a food plan for the day, but I dropped the ball. Can you relate to living in chaos and benefiting from streamlining?

  1. It takes a village

My kids do not always get along well, so I made arrangements for my daughter to take the bus over to another friend's house for a few hours after school and then drop her to my house a few hours later. My oldest could watch her in the evening and hold down the fort with the dogs. That did go smoothly. I am happy to report! More steps to coordinate, tell the school, the teacher......trust it will all work out.

Is it really possible to navigate this life all alone?

  1. Even the Best Laid Plans Change, Be willing to ask for Help

Fortunately my 8th grader was away for his school trip to DC. that week. One less cog in the wheel to figure out that day! So I thought.

His bus was due back at 10pm that same night and we planned to pick him up. Approx 7:25pm when Tony Robbins was still going strong at an event scheduled to end at 6pm, my 9th grader texted me to let me know my 8th graders bus was due home at least 2 hours early. Stop listening to Tony, start texting other moms.

I texted another mom friend and asked if she could give him a ride home and told her why. She said yes, so that was easy.

Plans change at the last minute. Having a Village is a blessing, but it is also one that we need to take time to cultivate for ourselves. Be willing to both ask for help and offer help.

Asking for help lowers the stress when things change and they frequently do. How we react to the changes is what matters. Resources matter. Know yours.

Do you have the resources you need in your life to thrive?

  1. Pattern Interrupts are Powerful

My main intentions for that day was to connect with my husband in a different way, experience Tony Robbins Live, and perhaps get some inspiration for a business or the real estate direction we want to explore in our lives.

The hubs and I had been growing very distant over the last few years. His job lay off, over a year ago and not finding a new job has added stress and distance. Doing something really different and getting us out of our routine helped us connect. It gave us something new to talk about instead of just the kids or our “problems”. Pattern interrupts are a fantastic cure for any rut you find yourself in.

Plus we got to see Tony Robbins Live in a way that worked for our current situation. DId I mention That Mr. Robbins is masterful at his craft? Amazing. What an incredible experience for a pattern interrupt, do you think?

  1. Self Care is Vital

You could miss something if you don't practice this. I had trouble sleeping the night before. I was awake at about 4am. Got everything ready and hit the road before 6am.....a tad bit later than I planned but still early enough to park close, get there early and be ready to go for about 7am for an 8am start time.

I’m one of those people who likes to show up early. It was worth it. We parked close. When my purse was too big to bring into the event it was easy to return to the car.

I neglected to eat enough or dress warm enough for me. By 11:30 am I was famished and freezing. After two rounds of “Live Infomercials” that followed Bethenny Frankel, I needed to warm up and eat. Soup sounded divine. The short line took so long because each salad was being made to order. When we got back inside we’d missed most of Marcus Lemonis talk. I was bummed 2 fold, You could tell how powerful it was when we walked in the room and he was not selling you a product. I knew if I had eaten more substantially earlier, even though I was not hungry I would not have missed it.

Oh well, lesson learned. Bethenny Frankel said it best earlier that morning when she talked about the “Million Dollar Pee”. You know when you go to these type of things and you miss the most important info that could have launched your million dollar idea just because you had to pee and left to go to the bathroom? That could possibly have been my MIllion Dollar cup of Soup. I’ve decided it was not and the bonding time with my husband was worth it. At least that’s the story I’m going with!

  1. Sales Funnels Work

In my coaching practice, I had not mastered the art of sales funnels. It hampered my business. But Holy Wow Batman they do work. A week before we went to this seminar, I said to my husband, “You know, this is a sales pitch to get us to buy more stuff don't you?” He really had no idea what I was talking about. I was the one who signed us up for this event and he was a good sport to play along.

The Headline Speakers were not directly selling you into anything. But the other speakers were selling services. It was like watching a TV infomercial. They were very upfront about it too. And still people flocked to the tables to buy when they were done speaking. It was amazing to witness.

I was clear on my reasons for being there and did not let the Fear of Loss or other sales tactics sway me, though a couple concepts were enticing. My husband understood my previous question by lunch time.

Are you aware of the motivations of others as you move through life?

  1. There is a Need for more Female Speakers

Bethenny Frankel was really incredible. I loved hearing her story. Because I’m not that into pop culture, I knew very little about her. Her drive and her hustle were inspiring. She seemed open, honest and vulnerable.

Two of my favorite things she shared were:

  1. The Million Dollar Pee mentioned above.
  2. “You gotta know when to Hold ‘em and Know when to fold ‘em.” Oh Yeah I was singing some Kenny Rogers in my head through the morning...”Know when to walk away, Know when to run”

DISCERNMENT it’s a great skill to cultivate. That’s the reason I’m such a big fan of Self Care over Self Help. It’s so much easier to listen to your inner voice and trust what is best for you, when you take good care of yourself, you become more grounded in your own truth. You are not as easily swayed by what the crowd is doing when you know yourself and trust yourself. Do you fully trust yourself?

Aside from Ms. Frankel every Speaker in that 12 hour marathon were men. The men were great, but hearing from more women would have been really cool too!

  1. Commitment, Work Ethic and Love of the Game are Keys to Success

For the record, I’m not a big football fan. I don't typically enjoy watching football on TV, so guess what? I don’t. I also don't naysay those who do. If watching Football is your thing, go for it. My husband and some of our kids really enjoy it. So my kids could not understand why I was so excited to hear Tom Brady Speak. One of them was even surprised I knew who he was. Really? As mentioned, I’m not super into pop culture, but how can you not know who the guy is and appreciate what you can learn from him?

The Boston Hometown crowd was electrified when Tony Robbins Introduced Tom Brady and Julian Edelman. It was the only thing I video recorded that day. It was so fun to experience the audience’s sheer delight of being in their presence.

Here is what I got from the interview

They worked hard.

They were committed.

They learned from those who came before them.

They learned from their mistakes.

They learned from their coaches.

They PRACTICED...long, hard, repeatedly over and over and over.

They committed to mastery.

Even though they have won Super Bowls, they go back and practice repeatedly.

When Tom Brady Said he “LOVED to play Football”, his whole body radiated that love for the game. Loving what you do is a huge ingredient for success.

“Never Give Up”. Just as there is a time to sing some Kenny Rogers and act that out, there are also the times when you know in your gut to never give up and do your best no matter what. And when you think you’ve given something your all, you know it’s still not time to quit. Mindset is the most critical factor. Push your edge and Go For It. You may not always win the Superbowl, but there is always victory in giving every ounce of your being to something you are passionate about.

Are you ready to master your energy? Your mindset? Your emotions?

  1. Motion Shifts Emotions

I learned this the hard way in my life and in one of the coaching schools I attended. I was really resistant. It can be so easy to wallow in our shit and get lost in the murky mire, especially when you let yourself become physically stagnant.

The fastest way to change our energy is through our physiology. It is not the only way, but is one of the fastest ways. You gotta move your body. It is so powerful. Tony Robbins drove that home throughout the four hours we had with him. He did not just tell you, he created an atmosphere where you experienced it. It was really cool to see my husband laugh and smile and get into that a bit. It truly shifted his energy in such a way that me telling him or even modeling that for him, could not. I felt it begin to shift “us” as well.

  1. Your Body Knows, it has the answers

I was recently sharing this concept with a client, as I do with all my clients. She seemed skeptical over the weeks but our most recent session together something seemed to click and make sense for her. It is something I believe, not just from the teachings of others but my own experiences. When Tony touched upon that topic, I did not feel motivated. Rather I felt, home. I felt validated. I felt complete knowing that. The validation and commitment are much more intensely powerful for me than feeling motivated, isn’t it?

In order to tap into the wisdom of our body and of the greater mind, we have to develop self care practices. You know things like eating well, exercising, maybe even consider meditating... It's a game changer. Yet it is so much deeper than that. We need to set boundaries, be willing to experience new things, AND have an open mind and willing heart. We need to work on our inner game on many levels to be successful in business and in life. Don’t you agree?

  1. It’s All About about the Inner Game

Guru’s can guide, experts can instruct and inspire but External Motivation Fades. You must SHOW UP. You must do the work yourself if you want change. No one is coming to save you. No one is going to do it for you. Show up for yourself, every damn day. That is the secret sauce.

You wanna play? You gotta pay. The cost of admission is commitment, vulnerability and willingness. All lasting change happens from within. There certainly are external forces that can shift our lives but if you want something different, you must be willing to do something different. A little luck and a bit of magic will help us along. But hunger, hustle and honesty will fuel us and make us ready to go even further when luck and magic show up. What is it costing to not committing to yourself?

Know yourself.

Get brutally honest.

Get clear.

Stay hungry.

Build your inner strength.

Never give up on you and your desires.

When we pay, we pay attention. What are you willing to pay to create the life you crave?

  1. Success without Fulfillment is empty

There were a lot of sales pitches at the event. Honestly that part felt a bit empty, okay maybe even a little cheezy. But I just decided to take what I wanted and leave the rest. I let the juicy parts fill me.

That’s how it is in life. We need to fill ourselves up with good stuff and let go of the icky parts. If we don’t, even all the success in the world can feel bitter sweet. It’s about choosing joy no matter what life throws at you. It’s about discovering the lessons and gems in the shit storms of life instead of letting them bury you.

It’s about giving to others. It’s knowing that there is something bigger beyond just you out there, regardless of how you define it. It’s about appreciating others. It's appreciating and experiencing all the different flavors of life. Define what success means to you. Look internally instead of always seeking external validation. You may find fulfillment and success with taste all the sweeter. How fortunate are we, that we can choose all of that?

If you are ready to step further onto the self mastery path and are curious about more support and guidance along the way, I invite you to apply for a connection call with me.

Sweet Surrender

Have you ever asked yourself the question, “What would Courage have me do? Do you wish you had the clarity and confidence to make a change you feel a longing to make? But for some reason you hesitate and don’t?

I wonder if you are caught up in the doing of everything that needs to get done and ignoring the messages and signals your body is trying to give you, in all that doing though do you feel depleted? Resentful? Like you are on a hamster wheel going nowhere? You don’t have the clarity or confidence to make a change you feel a longing to make.

You probably already know you need to take a rest and stop. But you second guess it. You feel like you should keep pushing through to figure it out, whatever “it” even is. But what if you are unsure? not clear? or not trusting? Or wrong? Knowing you need to halt and shift but ignoring that call is stressful.

This can seem like a tricky grey area.. But really it does not have to be.

Sometimes the answer is simply to SURRENDER.

Have you considered that “Courage” is not telling you to do something in an action sort of way?

Maybe, just maybe it is urging you to let go of something.

Release it. Let it go. Stop. Get clarity around a situation so that when it is time to take the action step, you will be prepared to step out in ways that you can trust are for your highest good. Take a step back.

For example, earlier this year I was pushing to get my new website out. Engaging on social media and all that, because that’s what I felt I needed to do. But the tug at my heart was to step back.

I felt the urge to dance and be in nature. For me that looked more like walking outside, working in the garden, playing in the ocean, dancing in my kitchen. When I am doing those things I feel more grounded, more connected to my inner knowing, more in touch with the divine. It can appear that I am not doing anything productive.

By allowing myself to take a break for as long as I needed, I felt calmer and more creative! My whole family felt less stressed and we all were more peaceful. And guess what? my new website still happened. In it’s own time because I trusted the process, my process.

TRUST. A loaded word for some of us.

If you are anything like me, trusting has not always been easy. Not trusting myself, other people or in life in general. Shifting this pattern has been one of my great life lessons. If I am not grounded, I sometimes slip back into not trusting..

How do we trust when we have been hurt?

How do we shift out of fear into a place of faith and love?

How do we trust when the pain is deep, overwhelming and frustrating?

How do we just surrender?

When we do finally surrender and accept things as they are, not as we wish them to be, we feel more at ease and are given the clarity we seek. We begin to find peace.

Surrender instills peace. Surrender helps us define what our next action step is.

Practicing surrender can begin to feel so sweet. We can uplevel our practice with additional techniques and awareness.

Struggling or have questions around surrender? Reach out to me.